I was late leaving the office one night and noticed the new girl was crying. So I asked her what the matter was. She picked her head up and I noticed bruises on her arms and even scars on her wrists. Just trying to be a friend it became a regular thing for me to talk to her before I leftthe office. She was a young Punjabi Sikh lady, married for a year. Her husband was also into computers and they had dreams of being something unstoppable when they were married. He was tall and handsome, she was pretty and smart. Everyone said it was a perfect match.

At the honeymoon in Barbados they argued throughout. He stubbed his cigarette on her skin just to make her shut up, but she hated losing and said what she thought no matter what the consequences. She found he was still writing letters to his old girlfriend and even sending her money. But she couldn't leave her husband. When I found out there was violence involved I told her she had no other choice but to leave him.

Easy to say hard to do. She was worried that if she got divorced it would tarnish her family's reputation and she had two younger sisters to marry yet.

A few months later her Dad had a heart attack on the bus on the way to work. All his life he had worked hard for the family and he was just coming upto retirement ? the chance for him to finally relax and enjoy his life. Not too long afterwards her grandmum passed away as well. She used to grab her pen and stab it into the desk with a tightening grip. The more I listened to her the ore I realised I could not help her other than listening. But God could help her so I suggested doing Jap Ji ? to her credit she did start eventually. She got some peace of mind, but she still couldn't understand "Why God was doing this to her?" and "Why God took her father and grandmum away?" Her mum was ill and she spent time taking her in and out of hospital. Why was God making her suffer, punishing her?

Guru Nanak Maharaj reveals all the answers in our daily prayers (Nitnem), in JapJi Sahib,

"Ketia dukh bhukh sudh maar, eh bhee daat teree dataar?

Many constantly suffer with pain and hunger
O Great Giver, even these are Your gifts"

Amazing Guru Nanak Maharaj says even all this pain and suffering is God's gift to you. Why is it a gift? Again Guru Nanak Maharaj reveals another divine law in Nitnem, Rahras Sahib:

"Dukh daroo sukh rog bhaaiaa, ja sukh tam na hoee ?

Pain is the remedy, worldly pleasures had become the disease. In enjoying worldly pleasure God had been forgotten."

So what was the worldly pleasure that was causing her great pain? Her family attachments. Her hopes in her husband, her expectation that her Mum and Dad would be around to sort her problems out and her assumption that her Grandmum would be around forever. In the Punjabi community where there is so much importance on the family, she never thought her family would not be around to support her.

Losing her family was causing her a lot of pain. Again Nitnem has the answers, Guru Amar Das Ji Maharaj reveals the Truth

"Eh kutanbh too dekhada chalay nahee teray naalay.
Saath chalay nahee teray tis naal kio chit laaiaay.
Aasaa kam moolay na kichaa jit ant pachotaaiaa
Satgur ka updes sun too hovay teray naalay..

This family you see around you, it will not go with go.
They won’t accompany you, so why do you remain attached to them? Don't do those things which you will regret in the end. Listen to the revelations of the SatGuru, they will remain with you."

Our real Father and Mother is God? "Gurdev Mata, Gurdev Pita." Bhai
Gurdas Ji writes that even a close uncle or aunt does not love their nephews and nieces as much as their parents do. But the SatGuru loves you even more than your parents.

The SatGuru is the only one who can stand by your soul after death, no one from your family will be there.

My friend needed to take the support of the SatGuru and the SatNaam ..True Guru and True Name of the Lord. "Sacha naam meraa adharo?.The True Name is my support" says Guru Amar Das Ji.

But she couldn't do it. When someone is at the bottom of a well it is hard to get out, even if they have been shown the way to the light.

One day I was listening to her and she stroked my hand and started
commenting how handsome I was. To me she was my sister. I sent her a
firm, but polite message saying our relationship was not like that. It hurt her a lot, she said I was the only light at the end of the tunnel and now that had gone out as well. She was sinking so far down that she
couldn't even hold on to God for help. So God put it into my mind to go
to Gurdwara for 40 days and do an extra Jap Ji Sahib for her everyday. Even though she couldn't leave her husband he finally left her. But not before one last trick, he had persuaded her to pay tens of thousands of pounds for him to train as a commercial pilot in India.

After that her divorce came through and she was a free agent. She didn't learn her lesson that family support is not as good as the true support of the True Name and the True Guru. So she stepped away from the God and carried on where she had left off in pursuit of worldly pleasures.

About a year later there was a rumour in the office she had spent the weekend with the new manager in Italy. Rather than indulge in office gossip, I asked her via email. She just replied 'Who told you?' and the next thing I know is the manager is blocking my request for a job change. So I went to lunch in my car and did simran as usual. When I came back the office was buzzing with another rumour. The manager had been sacked on the spot and escorted off the site. She never really talked to me again.

Why did all those bad things happen to her? Guru Nanak Maharaj teaches us it is to do with reaping what we have sown in this life and past lives.

"Apay beej apaa hee khao?
We eat what we plant"

It is not God punishing us, God is not to blame. We alone are responsible for our actions and what happens to us. Guru Nanak Maharaj reveals in JapJi Sahib another divine gem:

'Karmee apo apanee , ke neray ke dhoor?

Our actions are our own , some get closer to God some go further astray."

How can we ever blame God for what happens to us? God is the light inside us, God feels everything we feel, though our good times and bad, God is the only one who carries us through. We need to look inside and wipe away the dirt and let the light shine through our dark self-centred minds.

Realise your family don't love you as much as the SatGuru, take the support of the True Name and love God no matter what happens. If Guru Arjun Dev Ji can be tortured for 5 days and nights and still say "tera keeaa meeta lagay? Your Will is Sweet"

Then the least we can do is thank God for pain and pleasure all as a gift, and never lose our faith. At least do Jap Ji Sahib every morning ? listen to the teachings of SatGuru Nanak Maharaj and apply them to your life.

waheguru jee ka khalsa
waheguru jee kee fateh!

PS. If you have personal experiences or dealings with people where you have learnt something about God and Guru please send it to me and I will forward for others to learn from it too.

Harjit S Lakhan [hlakhan@csc.com]